"Alone" is episode 4x01 of the TV series House (House, M.D.).

Original Airdate: September 25, 2007
Directed by: Deran Sarafian
Teleplay by: Peter Blake and David Shore
Story by: Peter Blake

Gregory House: Hugh Laurie
Lisa Cuddy: Lisa Edelstein
James Wilson: Robert Sean Leonard

Guest Cast:
Ben Prosner: Conor Dubin
Mrs. Bradberry: Kay Lenz
Leon ("Dr. Buffer"): Pat Millicano
Megan Bradberry: Bevin Prince
Liz: Liliya Toneva
Dr. Hourani: Maurice Godin
Young Doctor: Kathryn Adams
Sam Lee: Ken Takemoto
Male Nurse: Leo Vargas
Doug McMurtry: Shannon McClung
Lab Nurse: Bobbin Bergstrom

Ben: "Episode IV never comes to the big screen. This is the pre-Lucas-ized version, remember? None of that 'Greedo shooting first' crap."

House: "Can't take the case. I don't have a team."
Cuddy: "So hire a team."
House: "What for? I don't have a case."

House: "You test drive a car before you buy it. You have sex before you get married. I can't hire a team based on a ten-minute interview. What if I don't like having sex with them?"

Cuddy: "You've spent the last two weeks doing absolutely nothing. Concert is over."
House: "In what twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two-handed arpeggio technique count as absolutely nothing?"

Wilson: "You want to change his mind about something, you need a more convincing argument than 'you promised.'"

Leon: "Or maybe lupus."

Leon: "I'm not breaking into somebody's house. I got principles."
House: "I got some loose change here that says you don't."
Leon: "I'm not doing this... for less than a fifty."

Wilson: "I'm sure it looked easier on YouTube."

House: "If you're broke, I can lend you a tiny bit of the money I owe you."
Wilson: "No, no. I wouldn't put you in that position."

House: "It's basically a list of her sexual encounters - boys, girls, vibrating appliances."
Wilson: "If it was, you'd be quoting, not summarizing."

Wilson: "It's been a while since a patient took a swing at you. Can I watch?"

Ben: "He's a janitor?"
House: "More significantly, a blabbermouth."

Mrs. Bradberry: "I-I'm not sure that I know her well enough anymore."
House: "You really wanna risk her life on how well he knows her?"

Wilson: "Any attempt to contact the FBI or other law enforcement agencies or... Cuddy..."

Wilson: "What happened? Did someone... kidnap your guitar? A twelve-thousand-dollar 1967 Flying V? Or something?"

Wilson: "I'm flattered you would consider me this bold and brilliant."
House: "Yeah, it takes a c-"
[House pauses as he sees Wilson holding a newspaper with words cut out of it.]
House: "It takes a criminal mastermind to pull off a heist from an unlocked, unguarded room down the hall. What do you want?"
Wilson: "Me? Nothing. But I'm sure the kidnapper wants what every kidnapper wants. To see you interview five to seven well-qualified fellowship candidates."

Wilson: "Wow. This kidnapper isn't just bold, he's diabolical. I guess he realized he probably shouldn't give it back to you until after you've had the interviews."

Cuddy: "Well, let's just say your antidepressant theory does explain the fever. What about the heart? And don't say a building fell on her."
House: "Okay..." [He clears his throat.] "A structure collapsed..."
Cuddy: "Shut up."

House: "I can't say."
Ben: "You don't know?"
House: "Oh, I know, I just can't say. 'Cause you'll hit me. Let's discuss this in front of witnesses."

House: "You were practically living with Sylvia Plath. You didn't notice that."
Cuddy: "Tone it down, or I will hit you."

Ben: "You can't do this. We lived together, we were gonna have kids. You barely even know her."
Mrs. Bradberry: "Apparently, neither did you."

Wilson: "Are you erasing my TiVo? House, not the season finale!"

House: "I don't negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey-holes."
Wilson: "Do you know what terrorists do when you don't negotiate? They terrorize."
House: "Bring. It. On."

House: "Morning!"
Cuddy: "Uh-huh. Where did you come from?"
House: "Apes, if you believe the Democrats."

House: "You're not gonna argue with me?"
Cuddy: "Nope."
House: "You think I'm right?"
Cuddy: "Nope."
House: "Why not?"
Cuddy: "Nope."
House: "It's not really a 'yes' or 'no' question."

House: "If I'm wrong, she's going to die. Are you sure you're still Dean of Medicine?"

House: "Well, who're you going to believe? A classic toy or a woman who, if she had any confidence in her ideas, wouldn't feel the need to distract you with a water bra?"

House: "Are you here to enable me?"
Cuddy: "I don't want her to die because you're stubborn."
House: "Wow, so you can enable and rationalize at the same time. Guess you are still Dean of Medicine."

Wilson: "Oh... my... God. This guy means business. Or guys. Could be multiple, could be multiple guys. Or gal. Who knows? All I can say is, this reeks of boldness."

Wilson: "You ever tighten a guitar string really, really slowly? Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird... sound. Almost like a scream." [Wilson imitates the high-pitched sound.]

Wilson: "I thought this was gonna be fun. I mess with you, you mess with me. Eventually, you give in. But you've shown a startling lack of humor, which got me thinking."
House: "Oh, god."

Wilson: "You got hurt. Get over it."

Cuddy: "You're here because I'm here." [She pokes House in the chest.] "I am done enabling you."
House [nodding]: "I know."
[Cuddy and House watch the surgery for several seconds.]
Cuddy [all in one breath]: "The alcohol didn't cause the pancreatitis, the internal bleeding did, the question is what caused the internal bleeding? I hate myself."

Cuddy: "It's bleeding from five different sites. You think they synchronized their watches?"
House: "She got warfarin after her hip surgery. It's designed to mess with bleeding patterns."
Cuddy: "Fever, heart, and bleeding. Three problems, three completely different explanations. She must be the unluckiest woman in the world."

Hourani: "You wanna look at vaginas, there are websites for that."
House: "You think I'm made of money?"

Hourani: "She's bleeding everywhere. Unless the guy was performing an abortion with a shotgun-"
Cuddy: "Stop enabling him!"

House: "She's dead?"
Doug: "She passed this morning."
House: "Well, then why are you still here?"

House: "How ya doing?"
Sam: "I got cancer."
House: "You're on an oncology ward. Everybody's had cancer."

House: "Am I in an M. Night Shyamalan movie?"

House: "Okay, I assume you know me because... I once insulted you, your patient, or your relatives. If that's so, I apologize. I was drunk that day."

House: "You a fan of symmetry?"
Young Doctor: "Sure."
House: "Weird. 'Cause your eyes are lopsided. And by eyes, I mean breasts."

Wilson: "You stole my patient."
House: "You kidnapped my guitar."
Wilson: "Give him back."
House: "Only when you give her back."
House: "It's a 'she'?"
House: "Well, it's certainly not a dude."

House: "Your girlfriend never lied to you."

House: "I did it all by myself, Mommy."

House: "There's a scent given off by wounded feral cats."

Cuddy: "And you were wrong about needing a team. She almost died."
House: "So I almost need a team."
Cuddy: "You were content with your 'people are idiots' theory. But Cameron would never have accepted that this guy knew nothing about the love of his life. And as soon as you claimed it was multiple conditions, Foreman would have done anything to prove you wrong, and then, Chase would have done anything to prove you right. Any one of them would have solved this days ago."

House: "This will be the longest job interview of your life. I will test you in ways that you will often consider unfair, demeaning, and illegal. And you'll often be right. Look to your left. Now look to your right. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone. As will twenty-eight more of you. Wear a cup."


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House 4.01 Alone